rocket science

You know how you always hear these stories about people who migrate to Oz who get to be toilet cleaners even though in their home country they are really a brain surgeon? Well, I can understand how this would happen.

For instance, I have made several phonecalls, always prefaced with, 'English?' because I think it's pretty arrogant to think that people will automatically understand you. Occasionally someone will respond, 'Yes', but often I'm put back on hold for a while, presumably so they can trot off to find someone who can speak English. This is kind of embarrassing: one doesn't like to feel one is putting someone out, but c'est la vie.

So today I had a very funny exchange with a guy who sells mattresses who clearly had zero English. Not a word.

I should preface this by saying that we will be moving into our new flat on October 1st and will have no furniture - no beds - until our sea freight arrives in two or three weeks.

Me: English?
Him: Nein.

[Logically, where can it go from here? Still I persist.]

Me: Ah. So. Bed? Bett?
Him: Schwiizertüütschsomethingorother

[Again, where can it go from here? But I couldn't let go of the mattress dream.]

Me: Hmmm. So. No English? Nobody else can speak to me?
Him: Schwiizertüütschsomethingorother

It was only after I'd put the phone down that I thought, 'I could have asked him in German'... Duh.

I have just enough German to sound like a toilet cleaner as opposed to a brain surgeon. (But who needs to be able to perform a lobotomy when all you need is a mattress?)

...What am I saying? I am a toilet cleaner! Vive la hausfrau!